Offended

“OMG! I cannot believe that she just did that.”

This is the typical tone and tense of most of our national dialogue and I know for certain that it’s also typical of the atmosphere in lots of work environments. Many people live smack dab in the middle of an unfolding anthology about what that person or those people are doing now.

This way of leading with our judgments may give us a temporary egoic boost, but it does little in the way of adding value to our lives.

But what if “they” are wrong?

Objectively evaluating someone’s behavior is different from judging it and being offended by it. Donald Trump’s behavior is oftentimes crass and childish, but I’m not offended by it.

Feelings of being offended only arise when you insert thoughts about yourself in some way. So, once an emotional response has been triggered, it is no longer about the other person, it’s about you.

Being offended is somehow an indication that you are avoiding some level of discomfort within yourself and could possibly represent one of the following things:

#1: Feeling offended makes you feel superior and allows you to mask your own feelings of inadequacy. Making someone else wrong, somehow makes you feel right and boosts your own sense of self-esteem. The only trouble with this is that it is a false power that is ultimately defined by someone or something outside of yourself.  People who are constantly offended are typically very insecure. So, be sure that you are not engaged in a narrative that’s less about others and more about you.

#2: You have strong beliefs and attachments and when others act in ways that are counter to those beliefs, a part of you feels threatened. Being offended means that you are unconsciously feeling the need to “defend” something. And anything that’s rooted in truth and power needs no defense. Try to loosen your attachment and recognize that you are not your beliefs. If everything that you believed was somehow instantly deconstructed, you would still remain whole and complete.

#3: A part of you is in subconscious agreement with what was said or done. If someone says something to you or about you that you do not resonate with in any way, it will not evoke an emotional response. However, if there’s the slightest hint of resonance, then it could likely cause an eruption. So, if you’re triggered, especially in a significant way, take your focus off of the other person and immediately start to search within yourself to determine if there is a part of you that believes what was said.

These things are pointers and markers and not absolutes. But for certain, they can provide clues about your own sense of groundedness and comfort with who you are.

So the next time that you feel offended, don’t make the experience about someone else. Rather, accept it for the gift that it is .Shine the spotlight of awareness on what you’re feeling and use it as an opportunity to get to know yourself a bit better and grow your own world.

Owning Change Quote of the Week: “An offended heart is the breeding ground of deception.” — John Bevere