I remember having a conversation with a life coach a few years back who was helping me with my business. I’d connected with her because things just didn’t seem to be clicking for me and I was unsure of how to move forward. What she told me after listening to me share the details of my journey was that the only thing lacking for me was confidence.
I knew she was right.
I allowed that to really settle into my mind and heart and since then, I’ve been very conscious about cultivating my own confidence. And in a world where we constantly receive messages that tell us that who and what we are is never enough, this can certainly be a challenge, even for the most courageous souls.
The good news is I feel like I’m a totally different person from who I was then and the work that I’ve done in this area has paid off tremendously. As such, I wanted to share some insights with you so that you could up your own game and move forward more confidently in your career.
Here’s what I’ve learned:
#1: Your Talents are Second Nature to You but a Gift to Others
I remember having a coaching call once where I was helping a client to connect with her gifts and there was a point where she had a huge epiphany and burst into tears. She realized that the very aspect of her nature that she had taken for granted was the thing that those who knew her cherished the most. It was right under her nose and yet hidden from her conscious awareness. This happens all of the time. Maybe you’re naturally good at writing or a great listener. Or maybe you’re adept at giving and supporting others. Perhaps you are fantastic at organizing people or things. Know that those things that come super easy to you may be a challenge for others. Don’t underestimate your natural talents because there is an absence of struggle in them.
#2: You Know Enough and You Are Enough
One of the things that held me back was the belief that there was always more that I needed to learn before I would be fully prepared to serve. This springs from not understanding that wherever we are in terms of our knowledge base, there are others who can benefit from what we know. This is also quite relevant to conversations about the need for credentials, degrees, etc. Don’t be stifled by the absence of any of these things. Qualify yourself, yes, (in ways that are significant and meaningful to you and those you serve) but don’t buy into the belief that you have to sit on the sidelines until your entire house is in order before you can get in the game and give. The world is changing and access to knowledge is greater than it has ever been. In some cases, credentials are a must, as in the case of those who want to practice things like medicine and law, but many times what’s most important are knowledge and know how. Don’t allow unnecessary blocks to keep you from moving forward. And don’t allow others to impose their own measures of success on to you.
#3: Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
I shudder to even think about how much time I’ve wasted comparing myself and my offerings to other coaches, trainers and entrepreneurs. Once it really clicked within me that my flavor is truly my own, then half of the battle was won. What the world needs less than anything else is you doing things like everyone else is doing them. Your uniqueness, i.e. your gifts and your offerings, paired with your unique personality and essence, are embodied hope for someone else. The lives that you touch through your work will be those who resonate with you for reasons that they may not even fully understand. It could be because of your quirks, because of your story or even something as simple as your smile. Whatever the reason, it will be because you chose to show up fully as you. So, don’t waste time trying to line yourself up with others. Brilliance comes in a multitude of forms. Own yours.
#4: Affirm Yourself. Repeatedly.
Talk to yourself in the most gentle and affirming ways. At any given moment, our minds are flooded with tremendous chatter and self-talk. Make it great. We have the remarkable ability to choose our focus and that includes determining what we will think about ourselves. Talk to yourself like you are a champion. When you get things right, celebrate and when you falter, be as gentle to yourself as you would be with someone you love and cherish to the core. And don’t be afraid to use tools from cutting edge science to get your mind on board with your magnificence. Thanks to the work of social psychologist, Amy Cuddy, I’ve adopted a really cool mind/body trick that I utilize when I need an extra boost. Turns out, we can position our bodies in certain ways in order to send positive messages to our brains. So, I now use a power pose from time to time where I will stand in front of the mirror with my hands on my hip like Wonder Woman while affirming myself. I know it might sound both hilarious and ridiculous, but it’s a wonderful way of training myself to feel confident. You can learn more about the science behind it by listening in to Amy’s Ted Talk.
#5: Surround Yourself with People Who Inspire You and Believe in You
I am the youngest of 11 kids and I believe that one of the things that has fueled my success in life, in general, is being around 10 older siblings who constantly pulled me out of my comfort zone and into new territory, ready or not. Whether it was learning how to ride a motorcycle (thanks Stanley!) or confronting some aspect of myself that I had unconsciously ignored, they oftentimes left me no choice but to grow. And now, I have translated this same experience into my professional world. I have strategically chosen to surround myself with individuals who are daring to do amazing things while believing in my capacity to do the same. They challenge me to get over myself and out into the world to give what I have come to give. And, indeed, simply being in their presence fuels me with the spark that I need to believe that I can too. So, I absolutely cannot overemphasize how important it is to build your inner circle in kind. Whether it’s 2 people or 50, consciously choose to hang with rock stars who believe that you are a rock star too.
Now, please understand that these are things you must do consistently (working past feelings of discomfort) — in order to see results. As you do, your confidence muscles will get stronger and stronger and before you know it, you will look back and wonder what all of the fuss was about. You will be confidently rocking your career – and life.
To your confidence rising. ;-)
Owning Change Quote of the Week: “It’s not who you are that holds you back, it’s who you think you’re not.” — Hanoch McCarty
Monica Moody
Monica Moody
